"I don't know what you are talking about," replied the Executive Director of a very posh Assisted Living Community I had just move my clients into. I had just listed the problems I saw with the care my clients were getting. "We just had our town hall meeting and all the residents said everything was great." I am hearing this clueless response more and more as the number of Greatest Generation seniors continues to fill Assisted Living Communities. Everything is not great, but they will tell you it is, and this is why.
Remember, the Greatest Generation survived the Great Depression as well as fighting WWII and literally saving the world. They came from a time when you learned to just "pull up your boot straps" and get on with your life. No complaining allowed. And that's just what they did. That served them well, then. It isn't serving them now. Now, they are easy prey for those who have figured out that they can neglect or even cheat seniors and have very little chance of it ever being discovered.
By both nature and nurture, Seniors rarely complain. In addition, by the time they have moved into Assisted Living (even posh ones), they are very old, frail and sick and feeling very vulnerable. They are afraid to complain for fear of retribution. Their caregiver just might "accidentally" drop them in the tub later. One client confessed to me recently that her next door neighbor was sleeping on a bare mattress because she was afraid to complain that her laundry hadn't been delivered in 2 weeks.
So what can you do? First and foremost, don't take "Everything is OK" for an answer. Trust,but verify - in much the same way you would do with your teenage children. It is much the same issue. Check their closets, drawers, refrigerators and beds to make sure everything is in place and clean. Ask them some open ended questions: "If you could have anything extra done for you, what would it be?"
Look for increasing dementia. One of the signs of dementia is that the sufferer doesn't recognize that they have it. So what's the use of taking their word for anything? Pay attention, open your ears and eyes and play detective at every visit and phone call. Notice everything and write down any changes or patterns you see that you might want to follow up on immediately or on the next visit. Don't assume that the Assisted Living Community is aware of your parents situation. Refer back to paragraph one!
Don't get me wrong. Senior Care Providers are for the most part, the most kind and caring people in the world. I know because I am one of them. I am proud to be a senior care provider and truly honor those who have a desire to serve. Unfortunately, this industry also attracts those who do not love seniors but rather seek to have power over them. We've seen this is the teaching profession and in other industries surrounding children. Unfortunately, it is exists in the senior world too.
The good news, bad news is this: Our generation won't be so easy. We know how to complain and will willingly do so. Fair warning, Assisted Living Communities: The boomers are coming and we're taking notes, taking numbers and will take no prisoners. In the meantime, protect your beloved Greatest Generation. Your actions now will teach your children how to take care of you later!
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